


Don't Be an Asshole, Asshole

by TheFandomLesbian



Series: Angela's Raulson One-Shots [9]
Category: American Horror Story, American Horror Story: Asylum
Genre: Angst, Bananun, F/F, Fluff, No Smut, Romance, Set in To Light and Guard universe but can be read separately, no spoilers for TLaG inside, raulson - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-12
Updated: 2018-12-12
Packaged: 2019-09-17 03:58:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16967223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheFandomLesbian/pseuds/TheFandomLesbian
Summary: When crippling menstrual cramps land Mary Eunice in the hospital, she and Lana anxiously await a diagnosis.





	Don't Be an Asshole, Asshole

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lavllnll](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lavllnll/gifts).



> For a dialogue prompt ("Don't be an asshole, asshole"). 
> 
> Set in To Light and Guard universe, but can be read separately and contains no spoilers.

“Agh--” Mary Eunice’s face was white as a sheet where she stood in the kitchen, trying and failing to slice the onions in front of her for the pot of stew on the stove. She clutched the counter with both hands. The blade of the knife stuck upward into the air. Lana peered up from her newspaper.  _ It’s happening again.  _ For two days, she had watched her girlfriend suffer from the worst menstrual cramps she had ever seen. Given the irregularity of Mary Eunice’s menstrual cycle, she tried to comfort herself that it was normal.  _ But it’s getting worse instead of better. _ Folding the newspaper back down, she stood up and walked into the kitchen. “I’m fine,” Mary Eunice insisted. “Really, I--I’m fine.” 

Arching an eyebrow at her, Lana tilted her head. “You’re sweating.” She reached out and tucked a lock of blonde hair behind her ear. “C’mon. I can finish the stew. You need to sit down.” Mary Eunice shook her head, stubbornly insisting otherwise as she picked up her knife again. Tears stung in her eyes, but she didn’t shed them.  _ That’s unusual. She almost never cries when she’s in pain.  _ Mary Eunice had an unbelievable pain threshold. Lana touched the small of her back, but Mary Eunice flinched away. “Where does it hurt?”

She focused on the onion slices and tossed the diced bits into the pot. “It doesn’t. I’m fine.” Lana bit back a sigh at her girlfriend’s reticence.  _ Of course she won’t tell me. She couldn’t make it that easy.  _ “Lana, I’m  _ fine _ ,” she repeated. “I--I’m sure it’ll be over in a few days. It’s just worse than usual.” She grimaced and placed her hand over her lower abdomen. A brief prayer buffered right on her lips; Lana watched it come forth from her before she whirled around and stirred the pot. 

Chewing on the inside of her cheek, Lana followed her. “I don’t like it. You’re in a lot of pain. There may be something wrong.” 

“I don’t need a doctor.” 

Her flat objection silenced Lana’s suggestion before it emerged. “Okay,” she agreed. She touched her girlfriend’s upper back. “Put the stew on low and I’ll give you a rub. Do you think that will help?” Mary Eunice made a face. “Maybe not a rub.” She took her by the elbow and tugged her back after she turned the stew down low. “Would it help if we made love?” 

A blush rose to her girlfriend’s cheeks as she shook her head. “No…” Lana pursed her lips, expecting more of an answer than that. “It--It hurt, the last time. That was when the cramping started.” 

_ Why don’t you tell me these things?  _ Lana knew better than to challenge her now. “Okay. I’ll get you some Tylenol. Go sit on the couch. Stretch out. Legs above your heart and all that.” She squeezed Mary Eunice’s arm gently and then she headed down the hall to grab the Tylenol from the bathroom. 

She had scarcely turned the corner into the bathroom before Mary Eunice’s shaking voice came down the hall. “Lana!” She spun at the sound of her name. The next sound was a strangled cry followed by a dull thump of a body striking the carpeted floor. A thin wail rose up as Lana ran back to her--where she had fallen in the middle of the living room floor, curled up in the fetal position and weeping. “Ah--Something’s wrong, something’s wrong, it  _ hurts! _ ” She whimpered. Her white pallor had gone green. Lana grabbed the throw off of the couch and tucked it under her face. Moments later, Mary Eunice retched, emptying the contents of her stomach onto the blanket.  _ Better than the carpet. _

Lana tied her hair back with shaking hands so it wouldn’t get caught in her vomit. “Here, move over here--Don’t put your face in your puke.” She dragged Mary Eunice about a foot away from the pile she had created. “I’m going to call the hospital.” Her girlfriend began to shake her head, making a string of incoherent sounds as she shook her head, but Lana ignored her. “Yes, I have to call the hospital. This isn’t normal. They’ll know how to make it better.” She kissed her hand and touched her girlfriend’s sweaty forehead. 

She called for an ambulance, and one arrived within minutes. Lana waited while she cradled Mary Eunice’s head in her lap. Her girlfriend vomited again and then passed out, face white as sheet. 

Mary Eunice faded in and out of consciousness on the ride to the hospital. Once they were in a room, a nurse hooked her up to a drip of morphine and saline. “The doctor will be in shortly,” the nurse told her, and she sat on the edge of the bed beside her resting partner. 

A few minutes passed before Mary Eunice stirred again. “Lana…” Her voice was groggy from the drugs. Her tired eyes took a long moment to find her lover, who touched her cheek fondly. “Did they stick me?” 

She bit back a chuckle. “They stuck you. You were dehydrated.” The scowl returned to Mary Eunice’s face. “It’s okay. They want to make you feel better, okay? You’re going to be fine. They just have to find out what’s going on with your insides.”  _ This isn’t normal.  _ Lana’s heart was in her stomach. What could possibly be wrong? Mary Eunice had never been pregnant. There shouldn’t have been anything wrong with her uterus or the rest of her reproductive system.  _ What if it’s cancer?  _ The thought made Lana feel sick to her stomach. “I love you.” 

“I love you, too,” Mary Eunice murmured, voice heavy with sleep. “I do… I do feel better now. Really warm.” She shivered in spite of her words. Lana tucked the blanket up around her to keep her warm. “I’ll be okay, Lana,” she promised. “Don’t worry about me.” Lana kissed the back of her hand and held it until she fell asleep, comforted and eased by the pain medication.

The doctor arrived in three hours--traditional of an ER doctor, Lana supposed. “Alright. So we’re looking at menstrual problems.” He was altogether too business-like for Lana, but she resisted the urge to curl her lip at the man and listened. “We’ve just got new sonography technology. I’ll order an ultrasound and some X-rays and see if we can’t find out what’s going on. Is there any possibility you may be pregnant?” 

Mary Eunice’s eyes were bleary. “Huh? No… No, I don’t have sex with men.” Lana bit the tip of her tongue.  _ Don’t say anything.  _ She couldn’t stop Mary Eunice from telling her doctor the truth about her health. 

“So you’re not sexually active?” 

“I guess not.”

“You guess?” Mary Eunice shrugged. She was too drugged to make much of an effort into the conversation. “We’ll rule that out as a possibility in the ultrasound before we do any X-rays.” 

The doctor left within a few minutes, and Mary Eunice reached for Lana, trying to tug her into bed beside her. “I feel really funny… That medicine…” Lana kissed her forehead. “It can’t be anything too horrible, can it? I mean… it’ll be an easy fix.” She leaned into Lana’s caress as her girlfriend stroked her cheek. Big, azure eyes went to hers. Mary Eunice didn’t say anything for a long moment, and then her shaking hand went to Lana’s face. Her thumb poked away the tears. “Don’t cry.” Lana hadn’t realized she had begun to cry. “I’m gonna be okay, Lana. I promise.”  _ I’m scared.  _ The fear trembled in the pit of her stomach. She bowed her head, resisting the urge to hide her face in shame. “See--I can barely feel it now… And I didn’t even pass out when they stuck me.” Lana’s chest quaked. She buried her face into the papery pillow. “Sh…” Loose, fumbling hands reached around her. “Cupcake… Mmm. It’s okay, Lana, I’m okay. I’m okay.” 

The cords attached to Mary Eunice’s arm wrapped around her and got tangled in her hair. “You passed out in the middle of the living room,” she whispered. “You’re not okay.” She nuzzled into the crook of her girlfriend’s neck.  _ What if someone walks in?  _ She didn’t care. “I’m scared. What will we do if you’re sick? Or--if you need surgery--” 

“Lana.” The measured voice said her name patiently in spite of the slur to it from the morphine. “If I need surgery, I’ll have surgery. If I’m sick, they’ll treat it.”  _ You make it sound so easy.  _ “Don’t panic… I’m going to be fine.” The fear shimmered inside of Mary Eunice’s blue eyes, but she stifled it for Lana’s benefit, which made the knife of grief and terror twist deeper into her stomach.  _ I should be comforting her, not the other way around. She’s afraid and in pain. She doesn’t need to be soothing me, too.  _ “I’m tired now,” Mary Eunice admitted. 

Lana sniffled a little, and then she tucked the blankets up around her girlfriend. “Here. You get warm, and I’ll wake you if the doctor comes back in, sweetheart.” Mary Eunice took her hand and squeezed it. “I love you.” Lana kissed the back of it and waited to cry more until after she had fallen asleep. 

Hours later, the sonographer smeared a cold jelly all over Mary Eunice’s abdomen. “This should just take a few minutes.” It was a female doctor, which made Lana thank her lucky stars that a man wasn’t holding Mary Eunice’s shirt all the way up to her breasts. “This is a new technology. It projects sound waves into your belly, and the feedback we get produces an image on the screen.” She nodded pointedly to the screen beside her. “If there’s a baby in there, or something wrong, we’ll see it.” 

Soon enough, just like she had said, an image appeared on the screen. It didn’t look like much of anything to Lana, just a blob of darkness. “Well, you’re not pregnant--I assume that’s good news.” She gave a warm smile to the two women.” The wand moved around on the surface of her abdomen. “But there is some abnormal material in here.” She pointed to the screen. “Here, and here. Your endometrium--” Mary Eunice’s eyes stretched into saucers at the large word, and the doctor clarified, “The material which is supposed to line your uterus--it’s in the wrong place.” The wand moved a little. “And here, on your ovary--it’s covered with cysts.” The images on the screen didn’t make any sense to Lana, but the sonogarpher’s mouth changed into a quirk of concern. “That’s not good.”

“What’s wrong?” Lana tried to sound less hysterical than she was. She failed. 

“Everything’s fine,” the woman rushed to soothe. “I suspect that the pain you experienced was due to a ruptured cyst. Right now, it looks like there’s some bleeding going on.” Mary Eunice squeezed Lana’s hand. She had started to cry again.  _ I need to control myself.  _ She tried to wipe away her tears. “I’m going to tell the doctor what I found, and he’ll be back to decide what to do. He may want to do surgery. But you’re going to be fine.” The woman patted Mary Eunice on her hand. “Let me go talk to the doctor. He’ll be right in with you.” 

_ She’s lying.  _ The facade of the other woman’s calmness did not fool Lana. She clutched Mary Eunice’s had like a weapon. “Lana…” Her voice was soft and scared. “Don’t be afraid. She said it was nothing.” Lana twitched. Both of her eyes fluttered closed, and she covered her eyes with her hands, withdrawing from her girlfriend. “Lana. Lana, don’t do that--come here.” She grimaced with discomfort as she tried to sit up and hug her.  _ This isn’t fair.  _ Her breath caught in her throat. In her mind, she played over the worst case scenario: sitting in one of these chairs, waiting for Mary Eunice to come out, but she never would. Sitting in another chair in front of a casket, which would never open. Sitting on the grass in front of a headstone, mourning another grave. “Lana.”

The final whisper of her name drew her attention from her fantasy. She snapped up and gulped, rubbing her eyes with her fists. “What?” 

“You’re shaking.” Lana shivered from head to toe. “Did you bring your medication?” She shook her head. She had left her purse at home. She had left everything at home when they picked up Mary Eunice in the ambulance. “Come here. Hold my hand. Pray with me.” Lana offered her hand at the demand. Mary Eunice fondled it, tracing each of her fingers; she used Lana’s hand as a rosary, each finger representing a decade of Hail Mary beads. 

No sooner than she finished the last prayer, the doctor entered.  _ That was fast. _ It took him twenty minutes. Before, it had taken hours. The expression on his face betrayed his concern. Lana got out of Mary Eunice’s bed. “The nurses will be here to take you to the theater in ten minutes. Please, put on this gown--lose everything else.”  _ He wants her to be naked? _ Lana didn’t know why the notion appalled her--of course she knew surgeries were performed in hospital gowns--but she wanted to wrap up Mary Eunice tight in her arms and protect her. “You’ll see the anesthesiologist soon--” A woman bustled in after him with a clipboard full of paperwork. Each body that entered the room made Lana’s heart rate increase. “Do you consent to a blood transfusion if you should need it?” 

Mary Eunice blinked a few times. “A--A blood--” Her mind wasn’t clear. “Do you think it’s necessary?”

“It may be.”

“She does,” Lana blurted. “Sign the goddamn papers.” Mary Eunice fell silent, raising her eyebrows as the woman gave her the clipboard. She signed each one of them without any additional commentary or complaint. A tiny, guilty voice in the back of Lana’s head wondered if she had silenced her girlfriend too quickly in making decisions for her own body. But she couldn’t consider it too long. If it was the difference between Mary Eunice and no Mary Eunice, she would slit her own wrists to donate. 

The nurse unhooked her IV so she could take off her clothing, and then everyone left the room. Lana pulled the curtain closed around the bed and began to peel off Mary Eunice’s clothes. “I had more questions.”

“You can ask all the questions you want after they save your life.” She removed her blouse. “Did you tell them your blood type?” Mary Eunice shrugged. “You don’t know, do you?” She shook her head. Lana’s shaking hands unsnapped her bra and collected it with the rest of her clothing. The action had never been less sexual. The white cotton fell away from her breasts, and Lana replaced it with the hospital gown, all its strings in the back. She tied it taut to keep it from slipping. “I love you.” 

Mary Eunice reached around the gown, feeling it. “I love you.” Her voice was small.  _ She’s scared.  _ Lana pressed her lips to the crown of her head. “This--This gown doesn’t have a back…” 

“No--that’s so they can catheterize you.”

“That’s another big word… I don’t understand what any of these words mean.” Mary Eunice’s face crumpled. “Lana?” She hummed her attention. “What’s an ovary?” 

Her round, frightened eyes made the pit of Lana’s belly wriggle with discomfort, with sorrow. Lana took her hand and squeezed it, rolling the fingers between her own. “Your ovary,” she explained in a soft voice, hoping she could make some sense, “is part of your body that holds all the--all the eggs, and produces your hormones and things.” Mary Eunice’s lower lip trembled. “You had something bad on yours that ruptured, and now you’re bleeding on the inside. That’s--That’s what I understood, anyway.”

“Are they going to take it out?” 

“I don’t know.” 

“Well--I don’t  _ need _ it. I’m not going to have children. They could just take it all out so it won’t happen again.” 

Lana swept her hair out her eyes, away from her sweaty forehead. “I don’t think they’ll do that. But--they might have finally figured out what’s wrong with your body. Why you don’t have your periods very regularly and stuff.” 

The nurses returned shortly and began to wheel the bed out of the room. Lana popped up to follow. “Ma’am, you need to stay here.” _ Can’t I walk down with her? _ She knew better than to argue. Mary Eunice gave her a soft look and squeezed her hand one last time before she released it, pulling up the blankets around herself to cover her body. 

Sitting back down in the empty room was among the hardest things Lana thought she had ever done. 

Seconds passed like hours, but she watched the clock religiously, and once she knew three hours had passed, she popped up and headed to the nurses’ station. “Excuse me.” The nurse behind the desk was different from the ones she had seen earlier; they had changed shifts. “Um, has there been any word on Mary Eunice McKee?” 

“She’s in recovery right now. The anesthetic made her very sick.” The woman gave her an appraising look. “I’ve got a dime, miss, if you need to make a call. You haven’t eaten all day.” 

“No, um--thank you, but I’ll wait for her to come out.” Lana couldn’t bear the thought of leaving Mary Eunice to wake up alone in the room. “Thank you.” She retreated back into the room and sat back in the chair where she had left. 

Fortunately, the wheels of a bed sounded soon enough, and she lifted her head just as two nurses wheeled in the hospital bed. Lana stood. Mary Eunice was asleep. Vomit stains streaked her gown, and blood--blood was all over, dried but still present. “Is she alright?”

“Ma’am, visiting hours are over.” The statement caused her jaw to fall open. “You need to leave. You can’t be here without the patient’s consent.”

Her brow fuddled. “Without her consent--I came in here with her! I was the one who called the ambulance! She knows I’m here.” She moved closer to the bedside, picking up Mary Eunice’s cold, limp hand in her own. “I’ll leave if she asks me to, and not a moment sooner. I won’t leave her here alone.” 

The second nurse attempted to placate her. “Ma’am, please, remain calm. Miss McKee has been very ill. She must be allowed to rest. I’m sure if we talk to the doctor--”

The first nurse, however, was not having it. “If you won’t leave, we can have security remove you from the premises.” She stood up tall, crossing her arms, inclining her head. “Your kind isn’t welcome here. Only immediate family members are allowed in hospital space without patient consent--mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, and spouses. You are none of those things to her.” 

_ She recognizes me.  _ A cold stone dropped into the pit of Lana’s stomach. Of course someone recognized her and wanted to rip her away from her lover now. “Mary Eunice doesn’t have any of those things. She has me. She shouldn’t have to spend the night alone because of some stupid rule.” 

The second nurse looked nervous, but she broke in again. “I’m  _ sure _ we can find a solution--”

“Your kind isn’t welcome here,” the first nurse spat. “Who knows the types of things you could be spreading around this ward? To us? To our patients?”

The second nurse moved to interrupt, but Mary Eunice lifted her hand. Lana’s eyes widened with shock, and she bent over her side to try to soothe her. To her surprise, her girlfriend’s eyes focused past her onto the horrid nurse, and she pointed a single index finger at the woman. Her croaked voice carried in the silence. “Don’t be such an asshole.” Lana bit her bottom lip, but she couldn’t prevent the smirk from spreading across her face at the expletive.  _ She’s definitely drugged.  _ She had never heard Mary Eunice swear before--ever. The mean nurse whirled around and stormed out of the room in a huff. Under her breath, Mary Eunice muttered, “Asshole.” 

The other, kinder nurse gave a sad, regretful smile. “I’m so sorry. She has her principles. Miss McKee, how are you feeling?” Mary Eunice blinked a few times, all dazed and confused with a certain bleariness to her blue eyes. Lana touched her cheek. “You got terribly sick during surgery. We had to give you a lot of Dramamine to calm your stomach, so you’re probably going to be feeling pretty sleepy. You’ve been approved for food, if you’d like crackers or ginger ale.” Mary Eunice nodded, eyes already falling closed. “You would? Okay, I’ll be right back with everything.” She patted her hand and then headed out of the room up the hall. 

Lana pulled up the chair beside the bed. “Hey, sunshine.” She took a cold hand in her own. “How do you feel?” 

“Real bitch, treating you like that.”

Lana chuckled. She kissed the back of Mary Eunice’s hand. “I take it you’re still feeling pretty high, then?” Mary Eunice grumbled something totally unintelligible. “Sh, it’s alright. Are you in any pain?” She shook her head. “Then that’s what matters.” Caressing her warm cheeks, Lana went to the sink and wet a paper towel to wipe the sweat from her face and hair. “I’m sure the nurse will tell us everything that happened. The doctor will probably be in tomorrow morning, and we’ll see if we can go home.” 

Mary Eunice nuzzled into Lana’s palm. “Love you, Lana.” She kissed her palm. “‘M real tired.” 

“Get some sleep, sunshine.” 

“You, too?” 

“Me? I’ll be up here in this chair. I’m fine for a night.” 

“Mm… I want you.” Mary Eunice reached for her. “Please.” Lana caught her hand and tangled their fingers together, but it still wasn’t enough for Mary Eunice, who tugged her down into the tiny bed. “Keep me warm.” 

In spite of her better judgment, Lana curled up on her side beside her. “Okay. Here I am. Don’t move around too much. I don’t want you to hurt yourself.” Mary Eunice made a thin sound. “Wake me up if you need to go to the bathroom, or if you can’t reach something, okay?” She hummed another unintelligible noise, and Lana counted it good enough. “I love you.” 

By the time the nurse returned, Lana and Mary Eunice were fast asleep, sharing the papery pillow and the threadbare blanket. She placed the drink and the crackers on the bedside table and fetched a larger blanket to spread over the two sleeping women, careful not to disturb their slumber. 


End file.
